Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Home at last!

Yesterday IVan and I got grounded to our floor b/c one of the nurses caught me traipsing around the hospital w/ Agent Orange & IVan. So yesterday kind of stunk. However, today I got released completely from IVan & the hospital! Andrew came driving up to the hospital entrance w/ Cal's (the Dodge Caliber, my new car) windows down, sunroof open, and radio blasting! I don't think I've ever been quite so happy to ride in a car!

I'm still waiting to see if I'm going to have any side-effects besides a bit of nausea, fatigue, and the big D. So far, so good. My only limitations are basically what I feel like doing & staying away from germ carrying people (especially kids). Simon is the exception to the anti-kid rule b/c obviously I can't just give him up! I'm probably going to bend that a bit depending on how I feel & what my blood counts do. I can't very well give up seeing my neices, nephews, & cousins. However, I'm probably going to need to stay away from day-care/pre-school/school kids b/c those are the major germ swappers!

My next treatment is August 24th. I get another ultrasound before this one too (for all of them). I have to get bloodwork done once a week in between too. That kind of stinks, but its how they'll keep up w/ my blood counts. Tomorrow I go see Dr. Schell for him to check on my port. I'm kind of disappointed about the port b/c it sticks out of my chest a lot. I'm hoping it will kind of settle into my skin/muscle eventually, but its not looking like it so much. Its also still kind of sore - I'm going to ask him about that tomorrow.

I kind of had a couple of freak-outs last night. I got kind of down & depressed when they wouldn't let me leave the floor, but I coped b/c mom stayed w/ me & I kept reading my books. However, when Andrew came back from work, we got to talking about my treatments & the updates I'd gotten that day. I was frustrated not to be able to move around b/c I *HATE* being sick, but I especially *HATE* being treated like I'm sick when I don't feel bad... I cried a little on Andrew about that. Then later, we were talking more about my treatments & when & what's going to happen & suddenly it hit me... I'm already stir crazy & tired of being "sick" and I've only been treated for 4 days! I've got at least 6 months of this crap. Right now it feels never-ending & its only been FOUR DAYS! I don't even feel sick yet or look any different. I can only imagine when my hair starts falling out, I'm fat-pregnant & sick...

I'm hoping the prayers & thoughts you guys are sending my way will help support me along w/ my support team through all of this. I'm sure I'll have breakdowns more often than I wish, but there's not a whole lot I can do about it. I know that the well-wishes, prayers, thoughts, and kind words have helped me this far. I just hope I have the remaining inner strength to let it continue helping. Notice, I said "let it" b/c I know its my doing when the prayers, thoughts, & well-wishes fail. Its when *I* try to do it on my own that I fail. I'm really going to try to let you guys (and the Big Guy) get me through this. I am putty in His hands & in *your* prayers, thoughts & well-wishes. I just have to make sure I stay malleable and open instead of forcing things to go *my* way. Amen...


Jennifer said...

Erika, I wanted to leave you a blog comment but knew it would be very long and all of that. Therefore I will be sending you a message very soon. I thought though to see me leave a comment on here would bring you a little happiness for the day since I have never written on here before. Plus I thought I would try something new for a change. :)
Take care and send you a message soon. Miss you and my thought/prayers as always are with you. James sends hugs and kisses...he has learned to blow kisses (when he wants to)!

Mom (Birgit J) said...

Keep the faith. All the little milestones do add up to big chunks of the 'time' you're doing. First chemo - done! First trimester - done! Second trimester - done! Hospital visit - done! Before you know it, you'll be done with chemo #2 and will be half way! Between the chemo and Rachel there will be new milestones very often...by tricking your mind with these little distractions you'll plod along until you have a new baby, a new shape, and a whole lifetime ahead. God bless you, my girl!

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Smiling already at 2 weeks

Smiling already at 2 weeks
Rachel has been smiling as a response to other people since day one.

And two shall become one...

And two shall become one...
In 2006, Andrew & I became one before God and family! Shortly thereafter we became 3 with the birth of Simon in 2008... Then 4 with the addition of Rachel in 2009!

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