Home at last!

Yesterday IVan and I got grounded to our floor b/c one of the nurses caught me traipsing around the hospital w/ Agent Orange & IVan. So yesterday kind of stunk. However, today I got released completely from IVan & the hospital! Andrew came driving up to the hospital entrance w/ Cal's (the Dodge Caliber, my new car) windows down, sunroof open, and radio blasting! I don't think I've ever been quite so happy to ride in a car!

I'm still waiting to see if I'm going to have any side-effects besides a bit of nausea, fatigue, and the big D. So far, so good. My only limitations are basically what I feel like doing & staying away from germ carrying people (especially kids). Simon is the exception to the anti-kid rule b/c obviously I can't just give him up! I'm probably going to bend that a bit depending on how I feel & what my blood counts do. I can't very well give up seeing my neices, nephews, & cousins. However, I'm probably going to need to stay away from day-care/pre-school/school kids b/c those are the major germ swappers!

My next treatment is August 24th. I get another ultrasound before this one too (for all of them). I have to get bloodwork done once a week in between too. That kind of stinks, but its how they'll keep up w/ my blood counts. Tomorrow I go see Dr. Schell for him to check on my port. I'm kind of disappointed about the port b/c it sticks out of my chest a lot. I'm hoping it will kind of settle into my skin/muscle eventually, but its not looking like it so much. Its also still kind of sore - I'm going to ask him about that tomorrow.

I kind of had a couple of freak-outs last night. I got kind of down & depressed when they wouldn't let me leave the floor, but I coped b/c mom stayed w/ me & I kept reading my books. However, when Andrew came back from work, we got to talking about my treatments & the updates I'd gotten that day. I was frustrated not to be able to move around b/c I *HATE* being sick, but I especially *HATE* being treated like I'm sick when I don't feel bad... I cried a little on Andrew about that. Then later, we were talking more about my treatments & when & what's going to happen & suddenly it hit me... I'm already stir crazy & tired of being "sick" and I've only been treated for 4 days! I've got at least 6 months of this crap. Right now it feels never-ending & its only been FOUR DAYS! I don't even feel sick yet or look any different. I can only imagine when my hair starts falling out, I'm fat-pregnant & sick...

I'm hoping the prayers & thoughts you guys are sending my way will help support me along w/ my support team through all of this. I'm sure I'll have breakdowns more often than I wish, but there's not a whole lot I can do about it. I know that the well-wishes, prayers, thoughts, and kind words have helped me this far. I just hope I have the remaining inner strength to let it continue helping. Notice, I said "let it" b/c I know its my doing when the prayers, thoughts, & well-wishes fail. Its when *I* try to do it on my own that I fail. I'm really going to try to let you guys (and the Big Guy) get me through this. I am putty in His hands & in *your* prayers, thoughts & well-wishes. I just have to make sure I stay malleable and open instead of forcing things to go *my* way. Amen...