Shocked... a new milestone

This weekend it became apparent that my little boy is growing up very fast!! Not only is he already displaying some teen-ager-like attitude (at least 10 years premature), but he's also growing like the proverbial weed. It became apparent this weekend as I helped him change clothes that his size 4T undies were quite tight. They actually left indentations in his legs. Occasionally he even complains that they're hurting him. So, what's a mom to do? Go to the store of course to buy him the next size up in undies. Imagine my shock when I search the infant toddler boys section and find that the undies only go up to 4T! I then had to find the boys section, locate the undies, and try to find size 5 or 5T. Little did I realize that they don't make (or at least they don't stock) size 5 or 5T undies -- the sizes jump all the way up to size 6! Simon, my precocious little boy, is already wearing size 6 undies at 44 months (4 months shy of his 4th birthday). Its enough to make my wombless abdomen contract as it remembers being pregnant with him, delivering him, and nursing him for a full year. At his last doctor's appointment, Simon measured 40" and 38 lbs. That was in the 97th percentile. During the McLean Co Fair he participated in the toddler pedal tractor pull and weighed in at 41 lbs. My baby is already growing up!!! What am I going to do?

Rejected & somewhat dejected...

I'm going through a phase right now. It's not a particularly good phase, but a phase none-the-less... I'm being rejected by my children (age 3 & 21 months) in favor of my husband. Sometimes I don't exist to them at all, sometimes I am the object of their disdain, and other times I am the cause of their melt-downs. I'm dejected by this rejection as well as my life in general right now. As I said, it's not a good phase.

Honestly, for the most part, I am so wrapped up in my own struggles that I don't pay enough attention to everyone else. Oh, I am physically present & say the right words face-to-face, but when it comes time to later pray or think of someone, I'm so focused on myself (my health/wellness) that I forget the concerns of others. I participate in my family, but I am secretly relieved by the moments of peace I get when I'm the only one in the house. I ask about my co-workers, but tend to forget their issues in the face of mine.

However, this time is also one of reflection. Even as I say I'm focused inwards, a part of me continues to pester and pry philisophical thoughts from my soul. Just last night after being rejected once again by my children -- to the point of their tears and snotty noses that only daddy could resolve -- I laid down in bed and thought, "Man, this sucks... OMgoodness, this must be how God feels all the time when we reject him."

I can't get that thought out of my mind. Every time I want a cuddle with my children but I'm met with a shrill "No" pronounced while said child walks (or runs) away, I'm reminded that God feels this way when I intentionally sin. Even when the rejection is more subtle, a fall followed by a cry for daddy even though I'm the only one present, the result is the same. Again, God feels this way every time we let slip an expletive without thought or unconsciously do something we know to be against Him. Even more subtle are the times when my children act as if I just don't exist at all. There's no obvious rejection, but the knowledge that I work so hard to maintain our family (financially, emotionally, and mentally), but am ignored in preference to my husband. Now the realization that God feels the same pain I do when I neglect to say my daily prayers, praise Him for my blessings (including my daddy-obsessed children), etc.

It's heart-rending to know that *I* can cause (and have caused) God the same heart-ache my children cause me. Of course, this knowledge does nothing to mitigate the dejection I feel. However, isn't the first step admitting you have a problem? Hopefully, I'm on the path to resolving my problems simply by first admitting to them. Afterall, this is just a phase, right?

Who Am I?

This past Saturday, my husband & I were sitting on the couch just having a general day. I can’t remember what started the conversation, except that I KNOW it was him (fist pump & bump from me to the Holy Spirit). He asked about when the Church started. Since I tend to blather on & on (& on & on & on…), I concentrated on brevity. I said, “Oh, somewhere in the New Testament before Easter, Jesus told Simon Peter that ‘… on this rock I shall build my Church…’” I further added that He (Jesus) also told Simon Peter that He (Jesus) would give Simon Peter the keys to Heaven and the Church. My husband’s reply was a simple “Oh” or grunt of acknowledgement. Regardless of his response, I was tremendously pleased that he broached the subject.

Imagine my absolute SHOCK when, at Mass Sunday, the Gospel was that *very* reading. Jesus asks the disciples, “Who do the people say that I am?” followed by “Who do *you* say that I am?” Simon Peter was the only one brave enough (or lacking the edit function of his brain like me) to say, “You’re the Christ”. Then followed my above mentioned quote from that same chapter. As the reading began I looked over and was dismayed to see that our children looked to be thoroughly distracting my baptized (but not confirmed) husband. I said a silent prayer to the Holy Spirit to allow him (my husband) to hear the words of the reading AND the homily. Then I tried to divide my attention between the children, Mass, & my husband’s demeanor; therefore I completely forgot about the revelation during Mass. Later at home, amid the chaos that is life with a 3 year old & 21 month old, my husband said something about it being funny that the reading at Mass was exactly what we’d talked about. Again, I internally fist pumped & bumped the Holy Spirit, but kept my answer non-chalant & brief.



That got me to thinking. Who am I that God should listen to my all-too brief prayers? Who am I that others should look at me & find encouragement, inspiration, and happiness? Who am I that God has blessed me with the family (and friends) I have? Who am I that God has given the struggles to overcome and therefore become an inspiration to others around me. The answer is, basically, I am who God made me.



It is often bandied about that God works in mysterious ways and that if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Well, I am the personification of the latter of these as well as the former (but mostly the latter). Too often I get caught up in the little things and forget or dismiss my prayer-life, the sacraments, or the blessings that I have been given. To be honest, sometimes the struggles God has given me are actually the biggest blessings I have. Obviously, I don’t see that at the time, but upon reflection later (sometimes MUCH MUCH MUCH later) my struggles have been times when I have developed certain traits that make me a better person. This better person God is molding is who He wants me to be. The comfortable, vague-minded, obsessive, defiant, anxious person is the anthema of God’s plan for me. It is up to me, and EVERYONE, to become the person God means us to be through His means, not our own.



**This post of mine has been cross-posted from a Catholic blog group I contribute to: Catholic Sistas. If you like random musings of Catholic moms, you'll like this blog. Follow us & if you want, contribute! :-)