Moody me... :-(

I've been terribly emotional since my surgery. This week it seems to have come to a head. I either want to chew someone's head off or burst into tears - or even both. This is WAY out of character for me - even through 6 pregnancies & horrible monthlies. Its gotten so bad that I started searching for answers after whining about it for a while. It turns out that both the medications I can take (Lyrica & Neurontin) can cause depression, suicidal thoughts, irritability, irrational behavior, etc. In other words, I read the side-effects list & saw my match!

The bad news is that my neuropathy is apparently a bit worse than I thought it was. I cut my finger today - a bit deeper than a paper-cut & never even noticed until I saw that my glove had blood in it. I thought my worst neuropathy problem was my feet/legs burning at night. I guess I was wrong. I called both my local oncologist & my TX one. My local oncologist said to continue the Neurontin at night (only) and to take 1/2 an Ativan in the mornings to see if that quick fix helps. If it does, then he may put me on an anti-depressant for the long run... Or until something happens w/ my neuropathy. My TX oncologist is worried that my neuropathy is bad enough that I can cut my finger & not notice. Her recommendation is acupuncture. I'm probably going to look into that too. If it'll take care of the neuropathy then I won't need ANY of the medications! That would be awesome!

Rachel rolled over from her belly to her back finally earlier this week. The little lazy thing still has issues w/ back to belly, but she can get most of the way. She's also eating like a horse! We're still sticking to bananas since I don't want to overwhelm her system. However, she's eating a "2nd foods" plastic container full of a rice cereal/banana mixture at night plus whatever her keepers give her during the day!

Simon is going to try to do some pottying this weekend. He's having trouble though. He's also having trouble sleeping. We don't know what it is, but sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. That's when he ends up sleeping with us. That's miserable for all of us b/c he's very sensitive and restless.

I need a drink!

Whew - its been crazy! I had court Tuesday of last week. I testify for either the defense or prosecution about biological evidence in criminal cases as a Forensic Biologist. Its NOTHING like what you see on TV. I spent hours at the courthouse (not to mention the 2 hours it took to get there & then 2 more back) doing absolutely NOTHING. It was pretty easy though! The rest of the week I continued brushing up on my training articles and performing experiments. I've got to get all this done so I can become proficient at my job again. That's one of the goods & bads about the work I do... We take proficiency tests each year that are given to us by an outside company. They're good to keep analysts honest & doing what they're supposed to (good). They're bad b/c they're kind of a drag to do. However, the important thing is to do my job correctly. I'm an unbiased witness to whatever crime may or may not have happened. Although I work for the state police, I don't get paid any more if a case turns up the results the officer wants or not. So its in everyone's best interest (particularly the victim & suspect) that I simply do my job w/o getting carried away emotionally by the suspected crime. Those are the analysts that you see on TV - getting personally involved. However, in the real world, those analysts would FAIL to do JUSTICE most of the time.

Potty training didn't turn out to be part of the program this weekend. Mother-nature gave me a lickin', so status quo was the name of the game. The foobs are holding up pretty well. As long as I don't lean into my work-bench too much or look down too often I can almost forget they're not really a part of me. However, I do catch myself studying myself sometimes to make sure its not obvious they're fake. Ooohhh! I'm so happy the scabs finally healed up so I'm now able to take my relaxing baths whenever I want! I love bubbles & relaxing! Its even better w/ a snifter of Wild Turkey Honey! ;-)

Rachel LOVES her bananas though. I mashed them up and some I froze, but one whole banana was put in the fridge. She hasn't had any reaction at all to it. Tonight she ate a HUGE portion! Tomorrow is her & my new mother-in-law's (Andrew's dad remarried in December) first day together. Hopefully it won't be too much for either of them! Simon is doing great even though he's not potty training. He's rambunctious and adorable. Rachel is chubby & adorable. What more could any mom ask for?!?! Oh, Andrew's irascible and adorable too! ;-) Even though I hate working (I don't necessarily hate the work - I'd just rather spend time w/ my kiddos), I have a pretty good life. I love my family & that's really all that matters!

Whew - one full week down!

Wow! I've completed a full week of work... Its been a doozy as I catch up on my old training articles & experiments. In a way I LOVE this type of work b/c its closer to my research roots than my actual job is. However, I've read all these articles before & done all these experiments before too, so its a bit dull. However, I'm trying to keep an open mind & not refer to my old notes too much!

The kids had a great week too I think. They were at my mother-in-law's Monday & Tuesday. It was the 1st time she had them both at the same time. It was also the first time she had Rachel w/o me there! I think she was quite exhausted by the time Tuesday afternoon came around! Then mom had them by themselves until today. So they got lots of individualized attention this week! Next week they'll be at my mother-in-law's together on Monday, then they'll get split between my husband's father & his mother (they're divorced & both remarried) for Tuesday. Then my mom will have them the rest of the week.

Rachel is taking to eating rice cereal like a champ. I think I'm going to try to make some mashed bananas tomorrow from the almost ruined ones we bought last weekend. I'm going to look for an online recipe b/c I'm not 100% sure if I just mash them, or if I need to add some kind of fluid (formula?) to them too.

We're trying to start potty-training Simon this weekend. I'm not sure its going to work. I had him in regular underwear tonight & he peed in them twice in a row! He's just not really understanding. He's also *really* sensitive about being scolded for wetting his pants. So I'm trying to make it so I only praise him, but he's never actually used the potty in my house. He did it yesterday for mom though. So, hopefully he'll figure it out quickly!